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哈~×,××!!

打了兩個大噴嚏,我被詛咒了,ORZ

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Panic!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am very panic, in a good way, which drives me to work like nobody’s business. serve me right for not doing ANYTHING and my frivolous attitude for the past few days, hah!

life is

what should i do with my life now? i fail in almost everything. why was i born a girl? i hate this pain, this agony that i am feeling now. if i cannot be brilliant, why am i being pulled into this field that requires academic intelligent? i am not academic at all. being fooled, being looked down to, being ignored. but i cannot switch to other professions anymore, it’s too late. and i cannot because of the debt i am in now. i have to accomplish this no matter what. i feel like living on a dead road, a dead career. i have nobody to love, and nobody to love me except myself. personal emotional needs, go to hell would you.

又開始憂鬱了

又要開始 ranting alone 了。

過去幾個月過得太開心嗎?或者因該說過得太無憂無慮。也不對,是逃避現實才對。

我現在才發現,我逃避各種各樣的現實。

現實一:婚姻完蛋

現實二:研究不順利

現實三:不上進

現實四:用花錢來取悅自己

現實五:沒貴人幫忙就什麼都做不成

現實六:錯失許多良機。多得不可思議。也應證了我有多廢。

還有很多。

是時候讓憂鬱 take over 然後鄙視自己 然後發奮圖強 然後功德圓滿 然後再廢一陣子 然後再惡性循環地憂鬱。

serve you right, a**hole

老婆大人,
你好吗? 昨天我做半天而已,因为真的很累,心情很乱,很想哭,所以在一点多左右我就回家了。同室帮忙我 logout。回到家就整个下午睡到晚上八点多才起来,然后上网以下,煮东西吃。一直回想你在这个家的时候,有时候想起早上载你去上班,然后 punch in 就回来家睡觉。真的很怀念,想到就让我流泪了。那是后是最快乐的时刻,最幸福的。。。
其实我现在在房间,今天也没有去上班。在家里做工,因为眼睛+肿肿的,整个人好象生病了。心情和身体真的真的很弱,很 depress。想来这次真的是我人身最遗憾的一次,真的很对不起你。。。心情很重,真的是很苦,都哭。。。。
如果写的有错请见谅。。。

serve you right, a**hole

let me scream here.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

がんばってね!

悶氣

一想到要回去澳洲大學on campus 住就滿不是味道。好討厭那裡。整堆的無理的人,骯髒的廚房,差勁的隔音。。。想到這些就鬱悶。

為什麼我不能做自己的選擇?我的婚姻是錯誤的嗎?他的不忠與控制欲再加上我的不滿,我真的不知道以後會怎樣。